Attuned leaders know leadership is tricky
For starters, leadership is really an umbrella term for so many skills—all those technical and people skills you work so hard to master. And when it comes to people skills, it’s not only other people you have to consider. There’s also yourself.
Managing yourself often turns out to be the hardest job of all. But let’s stick with other people for now.
They know context matters
While you might be a superstar in one setting, with one person, or with a particular team, you can feel like a total fraud or find that you’re struggling with another. In other words, context matters. It’s another reason leadership is tricky.
They know relationships matter
Leadership isn’t just a set of prescribed skills; it’s about building relationships with people. That too is tricky because relationships are subtle and nuanced, and they don’t stand still.
Still, every interaction is an opportunity to bring your best. And it’s worth it. Because, in the end, it’s the quality of your relationships that’ll make or break your career and experience of work.
They consider context when connecting
Attunement, in the original psychological sense, describes parents’ reactiveness to their babies’ moods and emotions. Well-attuned parents detect what their babies are feeling and reflect those emotions back in their facial expressions, voices, and other behaviours. When someone is attuned to us, we learn to recognize and regulate our feelings.
We bring our moods and feelings to work too. Attuned leaders, similar to attuned parents, are sensitive to people’s needs and feelings and take them into consideration when interacting with them. It doesn’t turn out so well when they don’t. Here’s an example.
The scenario: You’re busy, everyone’s been working hard, and now you and your overworked team have yet another tight deadline.
A poorly attuned leader’s approach:
You’re all going to need to stay late again tonight. We have to deliver our proposal by 3 p.m. tomorrow or we’ll miss out on this multi-million-dollar project that we’re the front runners for. Some sections are still to be finalised and then we need to print and bind five copies and hand deliver to the tender box.
You’re polite. You’re professional. You’re communicating the facts in a business-like manner but you show no awareness of the needs or feelings of your staff.
An attuned leader’s approach:
I know you’ve all been working really hard, and you look exhausted! Which makes it all the more difficult to tell you that we have to deliver this proposal by 3 p.m. tomorrow or we’ll miss out on this multi-million-dollar project that we’re the front runners for. I’m sorry to have to ask you all to pitch in tonight. We’ll all work together, and we’ll do it quickly and effectively, and then we’ll go home and see our families and get some sleep. I’d also like you all to let me know when you’d like to take half a day off in the next couple of weeks and we’ll coordinate between us all when we can do that.
Here you acknowledge everyone’s feelings, needs, and input, set up a positive team attitude, and offer respite once it’s done.
Guess which approach gets better results?
Attunement is invaluable, invisible work
That kind of attunement, where, as the leader, you attend to the emotional environment and the needs of your team, is the kind of work that is invaluable, looks like nothing, and leaves you with the feeling that you did nothing all day. Except that you’ve been doing some of the most important work that a leader can do.
It’s why it’s worth being attuned to every individual you work with. It’s key for connection and punches above its weight in terms of ROI.
You won’t find it on any To-Do list
We all have these long To-Do lists and we’re never done. Everyone is busy. However, no matter what you’ve got going on, as a leader you’re still responsible for setting the stage and providing the best possible environment for your people to thrive.
With some, it feels easy and natural to be attuned with them. It’s a good fit. With others, you may struggle to get it right. If so, your job is to not take the easy way out. You could just ignore the ‘difficult’ people and exercise your positional power as a leader. But you’ll be a better leader and your work day will be so much easier when you find a way to connect.
It’s what great leaders do
There is no one right way to lead. It depends on who you’re leading and the context you’re in. But if you reflect back on the best leaders you’ve ever worked with, my bet is that they were the most attuned to you.
Am I right?
