Remove distractions
I’ve been on an efficiency bender lately. And one of the things I’ve been doing is going through all my folders and files. Archiving, trashing, renaming, and reorganising. It’s so I know at-a-glance what I’m looking at and in-a-flash where to find it again. Not the funnest, but hey, if you’re binge-watching The Rookie at the same time, it’s okay.
I recommend it. Partly because it saves so much time. Up to two hours a day! At least that’s according to the 2022 survey of 1,043 knowledge workers conducted by The Harris Poll across America. That’s how much time we spend looking for documents, information or people to do our jobs.
And besides, one thing people with rizz* do is make you feel like you’re the most important person in their world. It’s easier to be present like that when you don’t have distracting thoughts racing around in your head. Feeling in charge of my files is one less distraction.
Capture feelings
The other reason I recommend it is because you might just come across something you’d completely forgotten about.
I found this little gem of a file with quotes from leaders I’d been working with who were lamenting that their people skills sucked. Why did I keep this? I have no idea. But I kinda like them because they capture how they felt at the time. And people with rizz capture people’s feelings too, which they convey back to whoever they’re with through warmth and empathy.
So, I decided to share a few of them with you. Just in case you’re having a bad day, because these Debbie Downers are all too common. If that’s the case for you today, remember, you’re not alone. Plus, it’s easy to forget that you’re a Talented Tamara too when you feel blue.
The Debbie Downer files
A disrespectful subordinate and a failed attempt at addressing it
I had a short discussion with Catherine about her curtness, her perhaps lack of respect, and being difficult with the new office purchases and arrangements. She mainly said she disagreed with me and then rolled her eyes. Things have been icy in the office since then.
Being told to improve your presentation skills
I’ve been told I have to step up and improve my presentation skills and raise my profile. I have no idea what that means.
A lack of confidence in EQ
I have a complete lack of confidence in my emotional intelligence. I doubt I have much of it, but whether I do or not, I don’t think I do. I tend to irritate people more than I should and I believe many find me intimidating.
The lonely legacy of a bad experience
I see the world as a hard place because of my experience of being sacked previously. I feel on my own with this and it’s up to me to get myself out of this rut. I need a mentor, but I don’t want to dump too much heavy stuff on anyone. I feel I can’t get down and be myself and experience all my honest emotions because there’s no-one there to pick me back up.
Social anxiety and a fear of rejection
I freeze and can’t think clearly in social situations (talking about a work conference). I am very interested in others, what they’ve been up to and their thoughts. But I’m terrified of people leaving my conversations or saying something like “hurry up, what’s your point?” So I struggle to start and worry about being too intense. And I don’t really like confrontation either.
Gosh! Don’t you feel for them? This kind of negative self-talk is completely ordinary. As are the scenarios they describe.
The Talented Tamara turn arounds
Now I only wish I’d kept a file of all their corresponding successes. Those Talented Tamara turn arounds. I have one from only yesterday. I’ll make it #1 on my new successes file.
This leader started out as a Debbie Downer. She felt trapped and constrained by her boss. And then, through our session, she remembered:
- She’d stopped networking. That’s easy to do when you’re walking the black dog on your own.
- There was scope for her to craft her job. That was something she hadn’t thought of.
- She could change the focus of her 1-1s. She’d been trying to hold the whole team in mind and balance everyone’s needs all at once. That’s fine until she realised she’d hadn’t first focussed on who she was with in the moment. It’s an odd thing to lose sight of. But she lit up when she remembered.
Reclaiming your rizz
We’ve yet to see the results. But in one short hour, she went from being a Debbie Downer who’d lost her mojo to a Talented Tamara reclaiming her rizz and sitting up that much straighter.
If you’re wanting to do the same, here’s a complimentary eBook that might help.
