She thought she was the Queen.
Third from the top in a large organisation. Brought in to lead. Expected to deliver.
But over time, she came to understand the role wasn’t what she signed on for. Staff challenged her authority, resisted direction and in some cases ignored her altogether. When she tried to act, especially to manage those unwilling to change, her boss stepped in.
“But she’s lovely” the boss would say, defending the very people making her work impossible.
Most of her team had decades of organisational history. She’d been there three years.
And her boss? She started there fresh out of university and never left. She was promoted quickly through the ranks with little time at third from the top. Is that why she stayed too closely involved in every portfolio under her remit? My client wasn’t the only one suffering.
The Promise of the Role
At first, my client blamed herself. She assumed she’d missed something. Maybe she needed to be more confident. More relational. More strategic. It took her months to consider the possibility that it wasn’t her leadership. It was that people (and especially her boss) weren’t respecting the structure. And it took even longer again to admit what it meant: this wasn’t something she could fix by ‘fixing’ herself.
She thought she was the Queen on the board with the full authority to match her level of responsibility. Turns out, she was being treated more like the King—technically important, but restricted. Boxed in. Or maybe the Knight—doing good work but always having to find an indirect way to land.
Whatever the piece, the message was clear: she wasn’t being positioned to lead.
The Reality of the System
She was being undermined. Not with a single dramatic act, but with repeated behaviours that added up. Staff going around her. A boss who answered their queries instead of redirecting them. No consequences for underperformance. No reinforcement of her authority.
She was stuck in the middle: responsible but not truly empowered. Accountable, but not supported.
When you’re hired into a senior role it looks powerful on paper. It’s anything but when your boss won’t let go and key staff won’t come on board.
It’s not always obvious, especially when the people involved are warm, capable, well-intentioned and well-liked. It’s not even always conscious. But it’s steady. And it makes you feel like you might as well not be there.
Could she have nipped it in the bud? Perhaps. If she’d recognised the pattern earlier, she might have had a different conversation with her boss about delegation. Asked for public backing. Named the bypassing more directly. But the signs are often subtle when you’re new and the team is entrenched. You’re busy doing the job, not realising you have to defend your right to do it.
The Cost of Trying Harder
By the time she came to coaching, she felt like she’d failed. That maybe she wasn’t cut out for senior leadership after all. She couldn’t see that she’d never actually been given real authority. Well, she could… but she didn’t at first. It took a long time because she kept doubling down instead of stepping back.
Her experience makes it clear. Leadership isn’t just about how you show up. It’s about how the system holds—or doesn’t hold—your role.
A boss who doesn’t delegate properly can undo a leader without ever intending to. And staff who’ve learned they can bypass someone without consequence have no incentive to change.
It’s not that my client didn’t try. She did. She worked hard. Had the difficult conversations. Managed up, down and across. But without her boss’s support, none of it stuck.
The Power of Stepping Back
What finally gave her clarity wasn’t another push to prove herself. It was the recognition that the system wasn’t going to change. At least, not fast enough and not from where she sits.
That recognition was hard won. But once it came, her confidence returned.
She’s since started applying for roles elsewhere. Has her first interview coming up. She’s not leaving bitter. She’s leaving clear. She knows she gave it her best. She didn’t fail. She just wasn’t given the conditions to succeed.
This is what dignity looks like. And in complex systems, it’s often the most powerful move you can make.
Because if you’ve spent long enough trying to lead from the middle (between a boss who can’t let go and a team that won’t step up), you’ll know it’s not sustainable. And it’s not yours to carry alone.
And despite it all, she will still be leaving behind a legacy she is proud of. Not as far along as she’d like, but some excellent work that leaves the organisation better off.
The Question That Changes Everything
If you’re in that position now, there’s nothing wrong with you. But you might want to ask:
Am I being positioned to lead or just expected to absorb the tension?
Because if you don’t have a Queen’s authority, you shouldn’t be expected to deliver like one.
If this sounds familiar and you’d like to talk it through, I’m available for a confidential conversation. Just hit reply and let me know.
Image from Pexels
