One thing I’ve learned as a leader is that you’re wasting your time if you’re more ambitious for someone than they are for themselves. It doesn’t matter how much potential they have. It’s simply not your business.
That doesn’t mean you do nothing. We’re still wired for growth.
Here’s how you motivate the less ambitious and make it one of the best things you do:
1. They say no to a promotion.
To make a positive difference, start by helping them grow in ways that matter to them. It’s their career, after all, not yours. It’s what’ll motivate them, even if what they want isn’t what you want.
I had a team member once; let’s call her Jenny. When I asked her about what she wanted for her career and where she saw herself going, she said, “This. For now, I just want this”.
What? Being ambitious, this made no sense to me. Jenny was great. She had potential, and I wanted to promote her into a new position. Didn’t she want that for herself? To realise her potential? Perhaps, but not at that time.
I may have been the boss of the department, but Jenny was the boss of her career. As frustrating as it was for me, I had to remember that.
2. You still have an unfilled vacancy.
Still, as the boss of the department, it was mighty inconvenient. There was plenty of work at her current level, it was just harder to find people for the next level up. I wanted her to jump at the chance like the other high potentials.
If I’m being honest with myself, I was more than frustrated. I was annoyed. I still had the unfilled vacancy problem to solve. But you know what helped me manage that annoyance? Sitting quietly with the annoyance and realising my issue wasn’t the unfilled vacancy problem, they’re all too common. It was finding a way to make sense of Jenny’s decision. That’s what was really annoying me.
3. You Marie Kondo your annoyance.
Lucky I’ve read a lot. There’s nothing like a good theory to hang your emotional mess on. It’s a nifty trick that helps you understand. And that enhances your capacity for empathy, perspective taking, and regulating your emotions. All skills great leaders have.
In other words, a good theory can be like Marie Kondo for your emotions. It tidies them up.
4. You make sense of their ‘no’.
In this case, it was a theory of motivation, Ryan and Deci’s (2000) self-determination theory (SDT) in particular. According to SDT, Jenny’s needs were being met, specifically the needs for:
- Autonomy: Jenny needed minimal supervision. I left her alone to do her good work.
- Competence: She was good at her job and she knew it.
- Relatedness: She liked her colleagues and had good working relationships.
Research based on SDT shows that when you experience autonomy, competence, and relatedness, you get more motivation and engagement, along with enhanced performance, persistence, creativity, and well-being.
No surprise, then, that Jenny was content to keep the status quo. Her needs were being met. And really, what more could I ask for? She delivered, had a great attitude and was easy to work with. That’s great going in any leaders’ books.
In this case, it was SDT that helped me make sense of things. It helped me settle and then focus on what was best for Jenny, and therefore the organisation and me.
5. You step up and lead.
Instead of helping her build skills and opportunities that would help her climb the ladder, which is what many people are looking for from their leader, with Jenny, my job was to make sure she stayed happy. This wasn’t a case of set and forget. Attuned leaders continue to hold all their people in mind.
It meant ensuring that her needs continued to be met, and that if she did change her mind, she’d feel safe enough to come and let me know sooner rather than later.
It was easy with Jenny. I believed in her, and she knew it. She knew that I believed in her capacity to deliver, her potential, and in her right to know and decide what’s best for herself. Because of that, she knew I’d have her back, I’d take her seriously, and I’d do what I could to help her if ever the need arose.
And she gave back by continuing to be a high performing, loyal employee who was great to work with.
6. Another Marie Kondo-ing emotions opportunity.
Not everyone is like Jenny. If you don’t believe in them, you’re going to find it harder to create the safety they need. That’s because it’s harder to find a way to respect them and it’ll creep into your interactions. Even if you think you’re being ‘polite and professional’, they’ll know if it’s disingenuous.
This is another opportunity to Marie Kondo your emotions. I, too, have felt the irritation of having to work with someone I didn’t believe in. Unlike Jenny, they did want a promotion even though they were far from ready. That time, I used my values to help me Marie Kondo my ugly feelings. Like a good theory, your values can help tidy up your emotions too.
Yes, it’s more emotion work up front. But I’d rather pay with work than my integrity. By emotion work, I mean having one of ‘those’ conversations. Where, if someone isn’t going to realise their ambition on your watch (or not on their timetable), you have the decency to talk to them about it sooner rather than later.
It’s only fair that they know the skills and experience they’ll need to be considered, and where they’re falling short. If you can help them close the gaps, do. If not, explain why not. The honesty, when delivered with kindness and care, creates safety and respect, even when it isn’t what they want to hear. And it helps them face their reality and make better decisions for themselves.
It wasn’t long before we parted ways and I heard on the grapevine how much happier they were. They’d landed on their feet. I was relieved. It’s not right to leave someone with false hope. It’s a denial of their dignity.
I’d love to know what you think.
Image by Steve Adcock from Pixabay
